There is something that has been bothering me as of late. I keep seeing all the posts about stay at home moms on Facebook. Most of them eluding to how they don't receive enough credit for the work that they do in the home. Which is something I definitely don't disagree with, but I always get this sense of criticism from them as well, eluding to the fact that if you are a woman with kids and choose to work outside the home that there is something wrong with you?!
One of my biggest pet peeves since becoming a new mom is this new world of mom-to-mom comparison. I can't even tell you how much criticism I received because I chose to wait 5 years to try for a baby. And then every time I ever say anything about my mom struggles or new milestones even...it's always "oh you just wait until 'fill in the blank'" and it drives. Me. Crazy! Whatever happened to just listening to someone and being a shoulder to cry on or someone to lean on for support? It always seems like everyone tries to one-up each other these days.
Anyway, back to my original point. Each time I read one of those types of posts or hear some snyde remark about how someone's life is somehow better because they don't do things that certain way, I can't help but feel a small ping in my heart. On many occasions it has caused me to question my decision to be a working mother. My husband has even brought it up on more than one occasion that he feels bad that other people criticize him and me for that choice and apologizes as if he has done something wrong. He had someone tell him once, "we won't ever have a house like yours because I won't ever "make" my wife work" as if my husband has some sort of control over me and is forcing me to have a job. Made me pretty mad. And our house is normal thank you very much. We don't live in a mansion and we stay in our budget. We live within our means. It kills me that they made such an assumption.
So just to clarify. I CHOOSE to work. And I LOVE my job. Not only do I need some time outside of the house to maintain my own sanity, but I enjoy the time I have at my job. I like my bosses, I like my clients, I like my coworkers and I like the work that I do. I am gone anywhere from 22-25 hours per week for my job, including driving time. So I am lucky to have that kind of flexibility that most others might not be able to have. I also would not trade that time for ANYTHING because my husband gets to have one on one time with our daughter that he otherwise wouldn't have. He has a wonderful relationship with her and they adore each other. I really do feel that me being gone at work has played a huge role in this fact. Why is it always pressed on us to have such stereotypical roles in a household? My husband and I definitely don't fit the normal household mold. He cooks and cleans and helps with the baby. I go to school and do all the house projects and handyman stuff. We both work outside the home so we both get to spend time with our daughter equally.
A problem I feel that society has these days is that we put SO much pressure on men to be successful in the world. How is it fair to ask them to be gone to work for a house they never spend any time in? Or to spend that much time away from their kids? I want my hubby to have the same opportunities as a parent that I do so that we are equal in this partnership.
Now, I should clarify, this is not a criticism of stay at home moms or working dads. I just feel like there is a gross misrepresentation of the working mom. Both are great things and I feel like both should be recognized and praised equally.
As women and as moms it should be important to lift each other up, not tear others down. We should praise motherhood and all it's differences and not be so quick to compare and criticize.
I'm done feeling like crap by other people because I work outside the home. I shouldn't have to feel bad because we do things differently.
So I always give a shout out to the SAHM. But this post is to all my working/employed mamas out there, unite and be proud of the work that you do!
Ok I'll get off my soap box now. :)
All my love
~C
